2008-09-06T00:38:14Z Joplin Globe webadmin@joplinglobe.com Copyright 2008, Joplin Globe SPHPBLOG
I don’t have chronic tonsillitis – just chronic dragon breath. Every time I can smell my own breath and think I’m coming down with yet another sinus infection, I go to my trusty (and trusted) ENT doc, and two out of three times it turns out to be not a sinus infection, but just garbage breath from what she calls “tonsil cheese” (obviously one of them there fancy medical words).

Today, I spent every spare moment before work, on my lunch hour, and after work, going to the doctor’s office, the surgery center, and two different pharmacies to receive all kinds of pre-op and post-op info and an array of narcotics that I hope will keep me stupid and relatively pain-free through the worst of the recuperation. There was some really unpleasant reading to be done; for example, I can expect the pain to be worse on the 5th or 6th day after surgery, when the SCABS begin to come off the former location of my tonsils. Honestly, this is information they could have skipped. Just tell me that for reasons no one understands, it hurts worse on the 5th and 6th days. Take an extra couple pills that day. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered. Geez.

I have just purchased $35 worth of every variation of pop-, fruit-, and fudge-sicle available in the greater Joplin metroplex. I also got ice cream, but my boss, Susan, suggested going easy on dairy for the first few days, and I see the logic in that – there will no doubt be enough mucus in evidence.

It was actually Susan that helped bring about this surgery, at least in the time frame that it’s happening. (She also suggested I go house-hunting in November rather than wait for the spring, and that turned out pretty well.) I was telling her that my foot doctor had told me that I my tendonitis would probably heal rapidly if I could just stay off my feet for a week or two. Susan knew I’d scheduled throat surgery for October, so she offered, “Why don’t you move up the surgery? Then you could be off your feet for a week right now.” Now, why didn’t I think of that? I guess that’s why she’s the boss.

I'll try to post later in the week, but I can't guarantee the postings will be coherent. What the hey -- maybe that'll make them less boring.

I have to eat something now – I’m coming up on the midnight cut-off. Think good thoughts for me. ]]> http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/znewsblog/openmic/index.php?entry=entry080902-225819 2008-09-03T00:00:00Z 2008-09-03T00:00:00Z
I've just started my fourth week of physical therapy, which for the most part involves having a pad saturated with steroids adhered to my foot and then attached to a battery pack for 20 minutes to drive the medicine into the tissues. (They attach a "ground" wire to another part of my leg -- I refer to the procedure as being "jump started" -- a joke I'm sure the physical therapists never heard before.) The whole thing feels like I'm being stung by a wasp for 20 minutes. This time it actually left a blister.

After the electrocution is over, I get "desensitization" therapy. I have an inflamed nerve and the skin on my right foot is so sensitive to touch that it feels like it's been burned. The therapy for this is to gently rub a rough wash cloth over it for five minutes, which feels like a belt sander. Only two more sessions of this and I can go back to healing the old-fashioned way -- whimpering and cursing.

On a more positive note, my cousin Nikki has become my decorator, and she took me and my crutches shopping for several days so I could buy a couch, so I now have living room furniture like a grownup. I am 50 years old and have never purchased a couch before -- I've always inherited or been endowed by some benefactor. It's pretty amazing to have an entire living room set that I picked out and sat on before deciding to buy it.

Nikki and her sister Lisa also hung pictures on the walls and artfully arranged some of my belongings into pleasing groups and found a sale on lamps, so I now have at least one room that looks like I'm ready for company. I will post photos soon. ]]> http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/znewsblog/openmic/index.php?entry=entry080826-103636 2008-08-26T00:00:00Z 2008-08-26T00:00:00Z
I’ve been on crutches for two weeks now. I have an historic and unprecedented (for me anyway) case of tendonitis of the right foot. Totally my own fault, the result of overuse, and of not sitting down occasionally, like I should have, when it started to hurt. Add to that the fact that business at the lye-berry doubles in the summer, and I’ve been on my feet way, way too much. I know better, but when there are people waiting in line, you wait on them. Anyway, I woke up two weeks ago and couldn’t walk. Had to call the foot doc (God bless you, Jim) and get them to call me in a pair of crutches until they could see me in the office. A week ago today he gave me a cortisone shot, a medication with which I’ve had good results in the past, but this time it did almost nothing. I can’t get another shot for another week, so they’re going to get me some physical therapy.

The really crappy thing about being on crutches is that, while using them, you don’t have the use of your hands. I have gotten really frustrated having to allow others to carry my purse, book bag, and the tiny ice chest in which I tote the small ice packs that I wear on my foot all day long. My employees have even had to go fill my water cup for me. I always wanted a personal assistant, but this is not how I wanted it to happen.

While I’m on a rant, let me just say that I hate – no, the more accurate word is despise – the fact that, when I’m at home, I can’t do anything more useful than smear up a peanut butter sandwich. I have a house full of boxes yet unpacked, and an office that is in complete disarray, but I can’t have of the fun of putting things in cabinets and organizing shelves because that would involve too much standing. I remember a few years ago in a hotel room in Clear Lake, Iowa, making a promise to God that if I survived the night, I would consider any day without food poisoning to be a good day. Now I feel the same about crutches.

And since we’ve already begun the pity party, I went to my general practitioner yesterday to get the results of my annual blood work, and learned that my triglycerides are four times what they should be. That’s normal, cubed. My cholesterol couldn’t even be accurately measured – something to do with a ratio to the triglycerides, if I understood correctly. Anyway, I’m on Lipitor and off ice cream for a while. Not sure what I’m going to use as my drug of choice for stress now. Maybe I’ll have to take up drinking. ]]> http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/znewsblog/openmic/index.php?entry=entry080730-220653 2008-07-31T00:00:00Z 2008-07-31T00:00:00Z
I called the police first thing, because (A) I knew I was rattled and I wanted someone to tell me what to do next, and (B) I couldn’t see how much damage was done, and whether I needed to call the fire department, the utility companies, etc. The very nice officer told me that all the Empire District trucks were busy, so I guess there were other pockets of damage. But it was weird – when I went outside to see the tree on the house (a sight that set my heart pounding so hard that I was worried I would have to be taken to the emergency room), there was almost no wind. Lightening was all around, and it began to rain when the officer arrived, but it seemed as if the damage was confined to that one tree. (Eugene would later report that a second tree had limbs broken off at the top, and he removed them too.)

As you can see in the photo, the tree wasn’t uprooted, but broken off at the base. Eugene says that is common in Sweet Gum trees – they are heavy but not very strong.

]]> http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/znewsblog/openmic/index.php?entry=entry080630-123151 2008-06-30T00:00:00Z 2008-06-30T00:00:00Z
The thing is, if you’re sitting at a stop light, and the car is merely idling, you can hear the clicking of the turn signal and will turn it off on your own. The only time you need reminding is when you’re traveling down the interstate at 75 MPH after merging from the on-ramp. Thus the noise takes you completely by surprise, and it is intentionally loud, so rather than sounding like “Hey, stupid, you left your turn signal on,” it sounds like “THE DEATH STAR HAS CLEARED THE PLANET. THE DEATH STAR HAS CLEARED THE PLANET.”

I nearly soiled myself, had a nervous breakdown, and wrecked the car, all in the same second. Kind of a toss-up whether it would have been less embarrassing to just have people honk their horn at me. ]]> http://www.joplinglobeonline.com/znewsblog/openmic/index.php?entry=entry080610-232115 2008-06-11T00:00:00Z 2008-06-11T00:00:00Z