Rachel Kubicek: Parenthood opposite of what was planned


I don't know if I've mentioned this before over the past five months, but I have to confess something: I really have no idea what I am doing.

This parenting thing is really difficult, and I am afraid I may be doing more damage than good to my son because I am so worried about doing everything right. For anyone who knows me, you might say that is hard for me to admit because I am a type-A perfectionist.

I set out on this motherhood thing ready to jump in and tackle it head on and become the boss. It was supposed to be no big deal, but several people pointed out during my pregnancy that it was annoying that I was making a big deal out of something that they had done three or four times and were sick of reading about my impending motherhood. I actually found it hard to believe that for their first pregnancy they weren't just a little bit apprehensive, but for the most part I knew deep down this wasn't rocket science and it would all just take its natural course.

Well, here we are, well past the pregnancy, delivery and first six weeks of absolutely no sleep, and Jack is thriving like he should be. He is quite content actually, but that could have a lot to do with how I jump at his every command.

For example, he still gets up to eat at least twice a night, and I am wondering if it is something I am doing wrong. Could it be that Jack has sensed that I am sometimes up waiting and ready for the moment he wakes and wants to eat, or needs me to put his pacifier back in his mouth or even just needs my finger to hold so he can get back to sleep more easily? My mom once told me that when I was a baby she had to sleep with her hand in my crib so I could fall asleep, and I thought to myself, why would you ever start something like that? It just teaches the baby that you will do it every night and then - Pow! - there you are stuck with your hand in the crib and probably not sleeping very soundly.

Now, here I am a mom, and every night my hand is wedged in between the rails of the crib, which are actually a lot more close together than they were when I was a baby, while Jack squeezes my finger while he sleeps at night. Of course, the moment I retract my finger from his grip he wakes up, so now it is a permanent nightly ritual. Jack holds my finger ... Jack falls asleep. I lay awake trying to ignore the fact that there is no feeling in my arm until I drift off for an hour or so until he wants to eat. At that point, I am usually shaking my numb arm and trying to bring the feeling back so I don't drop him on the floor when I pick him up.

Admitting to all of this has made me realize I am doing everything the opposite of how I said I was going to. However, Jack is doing well, so it has me thinking ... is there a right and wrong way of parenthood?

Well, of course, there are things you want to avoid in the child-rearing process, such as fad methods - such as "Parenting on Wine" and "ABCs: Who Needs 'em?" But even with all the mistakes I am making with Jack, he is still showered with love, more than well-cared for and, as a whole, is a happy little baby boy. So who's to say that I am doing anything wrong other than causing myself a little discomfort?

On that note, I have to go grease my arm so it will fit through the crib slats. It's almost bedtime.



Address correspondence to Rachel Kubicek, c/o The Joplin Globe, P.O. Box 7, Joplin, Mo. 64802 or e-mail rkubicek@joplinglobe.com.

 
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